Bremer's Disease

I'm starting to believe it's hereditary, but if it is, it began with my generation.  There's no evidence of its existence in either my Mother's or my Father's families.  Maybe a recessive gene had been hiding for centuries or maybe a mutation occurred, but it's real.  I have it, my brother has it, and now it appears that my youngest son has it as well.  Is it a tragedy?  Some think so.  Can it be cured?  Doubtful. 


Bremer's disease affects the way a thought travels through the brain and the way it is communicated.  It's as though the thought takes a left turn or shifts to an alternate thought pattern.  The shift can make perfect sense to me, but upon expressing it, others mostly react with confusion, and sometimes derision.


Thinking back, it may have first appeared in my brother.  He's three years younger than me and I can recall seeing symptoms in him in his early teens.  My guess is that I first felt its affects somewhere in my early twenties.  And now, my youngest son, not even a teenager, is the latest victim.


One interesting aspect of the disease is that the thought-shifting can happen simultaneously in two people.  Often, my brother and I will experience the same shift upon being confronted by a particular stimulus.  This is starting to happen with my son and me as well.


The hard part of this post is, well, getting into the details, and accepting that it's just the way my mind works.  Following are some examples of how the shift works.  I hope you will be understanding.

Alternate Definitions                                                                        

Green Hornet – A trap for inexperienced prostitutes

Tangent – A gentleman who has spent some time in the sun

Commentator – An ordinary potato

Deliberation – Putting someone who has been freed from bondage back into it

Devoted – Withdrew a ballot

Handicap – A small hat that’s readily accessible

Rhapsody – A town dedicated to rap music

Paradise – What’s used to shoot craps

Testosterone – When a woman named Tess throws up – as in “Tess tossed her own" cookies.

Promotion – A paid athlete’s movement

Proficiency – An area in the ocean where professionals fish

Cryptic – A little eight-legged blood-sucking creature that lives in mausoleums

Moment – What Larry and Curly’s brother intended

Rebate – To put a worm back on a hook

Hedge Fund – Money put away for a future English garden

Perspire – A funeral fire for a lady’s hand bag

Emulate – Dorothy’s admonition to a tardy aunt.

Euthanasia – Children in China

Desire – The male horse

Debunk – To get out of bed.

Brisket – A collection of tools needed to perform a circumcision

Disguise – 1. To show no respect to men, 1. Belonging to a certain fella, 3. ‘This person is’ as in the song Disguise in Love

Guru – A sticky marsupial

Information – How an army marches

Erin go braghless – Irish woman’s liberation movement slogan

Economist – An inexpensive spray

Transparent – One who changed from a father to a mother or from a mother to a father.

Odyssey – Strange to look at

Europe – What an umpire says to the next batter

Massachusetts – (1) A heap of dentures, (2) A series of sneezes performed at a Catholic religious ceremony

Hyannis port - A long-legged gay man bent over and ready for action

Stylist - A roster of pig pens

Spectator - A potato constructed in anticipation of future sale

Equip - An electronically delivered retort

Toiletries - Trees upon which toilets grow

Hypocritical - Of strategic importance to hippopotami

Like I said, it's just the way my mind works.